How to Get Over a Breakup Fast
How to Quickly Get Over a Breakup
Breakups can be emotionally devastating, leaving you feeling lost, hurt, and unsure of how to move forward. The end of a relationship often triggers a cascade of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief. While everyone processes breakups differently, it's crucial to find healthy ways to cope and heal. By acknowledging your feelings and taking deliberate steps toward moving on and finding new healthy ways to feel connected again, you can navigate this difficult time and eventually find peace. In this guide, we’ll explore how to deal with a breakup, why breakups are so painful, and offer strategies to help you move forward with confidence and resilience.
Why Are Breakups So Painful?
Breakups are painful because they threaten our sense of emotional security. In adulthood, intimate partners serve the role of our primary caregiver, similarly to how our parents are our primary caregivers in our childhood. Losing an intimate partner can be devastating because we are losing a key attachment figure, our primary caregiver in adulthood. Understanding your Attachment Pattern is key to handling breakups, as it reveals how you emotionally bond with partners and respond to separation.
According to attachment theory, the bonds we form in romantic relationships are deeply tied to our attachment styles, which influence how we give and receive love. When these bonds are severed, it can trigger feelings of abandonment, rejection, and anxiety. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may find breakups particularly difficult, as they often fear losing closeness and reassurance. Those with avoidant attachment may feel relieved initially, but later struggle with lingering emotional pain (grief) due to unresolved feelings. Learning how to handle a breakup involves recognizing these attachment dynamics and understanding how they shape your emotional response.
Another reason breakups hurt so much is due to Core Conflict Relationship Themes (CCRT). CCRTs represent recurring emotional patterns in relationships, often shaped by early life experiences. During a breakup, unresolved conflicts and unmet emotional needs may resurface, amplifying feelings of loss. These deeper themes make breakups more than just the loss of a partner—they also involve a confrontation with our own fears, insecurities, and attachment wounds. Often, it makes us deeply question ourselves: “Will I ever be loved?” “Am I just bound to repeat the same patterns over and over again in relationships? If this resonates, consider exploring our Schema Coaching services to uncover and work through these themes.
How to Cope With a Breakup
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It's essential to allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with a breakup. Denying or suppressing these feelings can prolong your healing process. Instead, acknowledge the sadness, anger, and disappointment as they arise. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeing a Helping Professional can help you process these emotions in a healthy way. Remember, it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. It’s a natural part of healing. You don’t need to rush it or push it. It's perfectly normal to not feel much or to feel too much—everyone has their own process, and letting it unfold naturally is key to learning how to deal with a breakup.Value the Relationship's Impact
Even though the relationship has ended, it’s important to honor the experiences and memories it brought into your life. Reflect on the good moments you shared and acknowledge how the experience has shaped you. Approach the breakup with respect, recognizing that you and your ex will always be part of each other's story. Focus on moving forward with kindness and let go of lingering resentment.
Remove Reminders of Your Ex
Holding onto items that remind you of your ex can keep you stuck in the past. Removing or storing these reminders can help you emotionally detach and focus on your future. Whether it's gifts, photos, or clothing, consider creating a clean slate by decluttering your space.Find New Hobbies
Filling the time you used to spend with your partner by engaging in new hobbies can be a great way to reconnect with yourself, meet new people, and foster personal growth. Hobbies like painting, cooking, or joining a sports club not only provide an emotional outlet but also help you rebuild your identity outside of the relationship. Exploring new interests can boost your confidence and remind you that life has so much to offer, even beyond relationships. This is a powerful way to handle a breakup by rediscovering your individuality.Consider Traveling
A change of scenery can work wonders for healing. Traveling, whether locally or internationally, provides a fresh perspective and can help you distance yourself from the emotional pain. Travel allows you to create new experiences, meet new people, and reconnect with yourself. Even a weekend trip can serve as a break from the emotional intensity of the breakup, offering mental clarity and renewal.Connect With Other People
After a breakup, it's essential to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Leaning on your social circle can provide emotional support, remind you that you are loved, and help you feel less alone. Avoid isolating yourself, as it can worsen feelings of loneliness. Attend social gatherings, plan outings with friends, or engage in meaningful conversations—reconnecting with others is key to rebuilding your emotional health and one of the best strategies for how to cope with a breakup.Make a List of the Relationship Difficulties
While it’s important to remember the good times, writing down the difficulties you experienced in the relationship can help you gain perspective and move on. Focus on both yourself and your ex, the aspects of their behavior or the relationship that didn’t work for you—this list can serve as a reminder of why the relationship wasn’t ideal. It’s not about villainizing yourself or your partner; rather, it's about gently easing up the emotional attachment and coming to terms with the fact that they were not the perfect partner for you.Realize You Are Not Getting Back Together
One of the hardest steps in healing is accepting that the relationship is truly over. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can hinder closure and your emotional process. Acknowledge that you are moving in separate directions, and that letting go of the idea of getting back together is essential for your growth. By accepting this reality, you create space for new possibilities and personal development. Many people with anxious attachment struggle with breakups and often oscillate between separation and reconciliation. Typically, this leads to more suffering, as the same difficulties are still present. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for anyone wanting to learn how to handle a breakup effectively.Take a Break From Dating
Jumping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup is often a way to fill the void, but it can prevent you from truly healing. Take time to be single, reflect on your needs, and rebuild your sense of self-worth. Take time to explore your relationship themes (Core Conflict Relationship Themes, CCRT) and what qualities you’ve selected in your partners. Often, what we think we are looking for and what we actually choose can greatly vary. Use this time to focus on self-discovery and emotional recovery. Being with yourself allows you to make more thoughtful decisions about future relationships, which is a key strategy in how to cope with a breakup.Take Care of Yourself
Self-care is crucial during a breakup. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active. Physical exercise can improve your mood, reduce stress, and boost your self-esteem. By prioritizing your mental and physical health, you can cultivate resilience and feel more empowered to move forward.Remind Yourself of Your Best Qualities
Breakups can leave you questioning yourself. Take time to reflect on your strengths, achievements, and best qualities. Write down what makes you unique and valuable. This exercise can help rebuild your confidence and remind you that you are enough. Acknowledging your worth is a key element in learning how to deal with a breakup and moving forward with self-assurance.Understand It Takes Time
Healing from a breakup is not an overnight process. Be patient with yourself and allow time for the pain to subside. Every person heals at their own pace, and there’s no “right” timeline for recovery. Understand that it’s okay to have ups and downs. The intensity of the emotional pain will decrease, and you will begin to feel like yourself again.Explore New Directions
Redirect your focus by exploring new directions. Breakups can serve as an opportunity for growth, giving you the freedom to pursue things you may have put off during the relationship. Whether it’s inner or outer exploration, advancing your career, developing new relationships, or learning a new skill, exploration will give you something to look forward to and help you move along with your life. Our Classes offer guidance on self-discovery and healthy growth.‘Good Enough’ Closure
Many people yearn for complete “closure” after a breakup, where all things are settled and make perfect sense. This almost never happens. It’s rare to receive a perfect explanation that resolves all lingering questions. Instead of seeking answers from your ex, perseverating on the relationship, and going over minutiae, focus on creating your own sense of closure by accepting the relationship’s end and finding peace within yourself. Forgiveness and Compassion practice from an attachment perspective can offer much-needed relief and help you come to terms with what happened. This is one of the most powerful ways to learn how to deal with a breakup and achieve emotional resolution.Consider Professional Help
Sometimes the emotional weight of a breakup can feel too overwhelming to manage alone. If you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or unresolved attachment issues, seeking professional help can provide valuable guidance. Therapists can help you explore the emotional patterns (such as CCRT) that lead to relationship struggles and teach you effective coping strategies for moving forward. If you're unsure how to cope with a breakup, professional guidance can provide a path forward and help you find deeper emotional resolution. Explore our Attachment coaching services to help you through the process of emotional recovery.
Valuable Lessons From a Breakup
Breakups can be painful, but they also offer valuable lessons about yourself and your relationship patterns. Once you’ve allowed yourself time to grieve, reflecting on the relationship can provide insight into how you can grow and improve in the future. Here are some questions to help guide your reflection:
How did I contribute to the difficulties in the relationship?
Were there any red flags and Deal Breakers I ignored early on?
What patterns (relationship themes) do I notice in my past relationships?
Did I choose a partner who was emotionally unavailable or incompatible with my needs?
How did my attachment style affect the relationship dynamics? And my partners?
Was I clear about my boundaries and needs in the relationship?
Did I avoid conflict or overreact to issues? How did we go about resolving conflict?
How can I improve my communication and emotional regulation in future relationships?
What qualities do I want to prioritize in my next partner? How will I know if the partner I’m choosing actually has these qualities?
What steps can I take to avoid repeating these patterns?
Final Thoughts
Breakups are never easy, but they can serve as a catalyst for personal growth and emotional healing. By taking proactive steps to cope and reflecting on the valuable lessons learned, you can emerge stronger and more self-aware. Whether it’s focusing on self-care, setting new goals, or seeking professional support, remember that healing is a journey. At Mindful Attachment Coaching, we offer tools and guidance to help you process your emotions, understand your attachment patterns, and rebuild your sense of self. If you’re ready to move forward, reach out to us for support on your journey to emotional recovery.
